...I know I haven't updated my blog since March!
Aftermath of the mega earthquake, literal aftershocks, mess after the nuclear plant's accident, afterthoughts of my jobs....
There are so many things that I want to talk to you.
But right now, let me quote lines of my favorite TV show, Glee's latest (in Japan) episode.
Sue, who is a mean cheerleading's director, always trying to crash glee club's activities, just lost her sister. Her sister, Jean, is with down syndrome. Sue has taken care of Jean instead of their busy mom, but actually, Jean had healed a lot Sue by her pure heart.
When Jean passed away, Sue was devastated and she made a speech at Jean's funeral.
And that couldn't stop my eyes to well up.
"I miss my sister. Every night at 10, she used to call me on the phone. I asked why, she told me that her body told her. She wanted to hear my voice.
I miss my sister. The smell of her shampoo. I wish she could always convince me to read her another book.
When you love someone like I loved her, they are a part of you. It's like attached by invisible tethers. No matter how far away you are, you could always feel them. And every time when I reach for the tether, now I know there is no one in the end and I feel like I'm falling into nothing this.
Then I remember Jean (her deceased sister.) I remember her life let her have no enemies, no resentments, no regrets, I'm inspired. ...Get up from bed and go on. But I miss my sister so much. It feel like pieced of me ripped off.
Just one more time, I wanna hold her. Ten more seconds. It that too much to ask? Ten more seconds to hold her... But I can't. And I won't. The only thing keeping me from being swallowed by the hole of sadness, is that Jean would kill me if I did.
So for now, I'm just gonna miss her. I love you, Jennie. Rest in peace. "
After the funeral, a boy who was so impressed by Sue's speech, broke up with her girlfriend because he thought he couldn't find the "tether" between them.
I think it's so hard for young people to feel that for anyone... But the older we get, basically... the more we (are supposed to ) learn how we could find the tethers, and how important they are.
Who are there at the end of your tether? No "a tether, tethers. Plural. There must be not only one.
Your mother, father, siblings, relatives, of course your boy/girlfriend, wife, husband...
Sometimes it is difficult to notice the tethers even with families. But you know, as long as you are related in blood, somehow, you need to connect with your families.
However, what about our life partners? One day, my husband made a joke, "we're family. Why aren't we related?" That's the catch of marriage. That's the catch of romance.
Even we had lived together for a long time, we could be "strangers" once our tethers are cut off.
That's why, we really need to work hard to keep the tethers connect. Don't take it for granted
there is someone who aren't related, at the end of your tether.
It's one of biggest jobs in our lives to find who are at the end our tethers, other than original family members.
It's silly, but sometimes, I had a bad dream. In the dream, I just agonize about not having a partner. Then, I woke up in the real world. In the real world, I have many people who are at the end of my tether... My parents, brother, relatives, and especially, I feel really grateful that my husband is sleeping peacefully beside me, and his parents always care for us.
Of course I know sometimes we need time being ourselves alone, with peace and serenity.
But... the feeling of noticing "there is someone in the end of my tether" is one of the meanings of why we're here, I can't explain enough, though...
That's why I always enjoy my wedding emcee jobs. I'm always happy to hear my friends or other people's romance or marriage news.
THEY FIND SOMEONE TO BE WITH!
Cynical people want to way, "how many percentage of them will find their decisions are mistakes?" ...Even though there will be "errors," I want to support people who are eager to "try."
...I miss my husband cause he has been visiting his parents home this weekend, but not like Jean for Sue, he's going to come back (of course!)
So, for now, I'm not gonna just miss him (not be in a sentimental feeling,) I'm gonna clean up my house not to disappoint him...to keep our tether connect!
...You know, it always needs "efforts" to live with "former strangers..."
