Learn from the defeat

Sorry guys, it's been a long time since the last time I wrote on the blog! After the TOEIC day, I had had hectic, intense, busy & crazy days, and now I have a cold. I realized it was not good to have many activities which were beyond my capacity! And the weather turned cold, so I recommend you to take care!

I already got my TOEIC results. As you can expect from the title...I couldn't get my IDEAL score. It is a nightmare! My score is even worse than last year's!!
I don't want to say it, but my score is 815. It's not a bad score generally, but last year, mine was 835. What have I been doing for a year!? Studying English in the U.S.A! I should have progressed! or I have even had a set-back!? I FEEL SO DUMB!!

I can make some excuses. I had prepared for "the new TOEIC version" which had already started in Japan and Korea. I believed they had also started the new one in America. However, a week before the TOEIC day, I suddenly started to wonder why I couldn't find the reference books for the new TOEIC in the U.S. I thought it was because the TOEIC was not so popular here. But, what if they still had the old TOEIC version?
I called the TOEIC administration (ETS,) and...bingo! They said they would start the new TOEIC version SOMEDAY IN 2007! I wanted to scream when I heard that!
I needed to adjust to the OLD test in a week. It includes the grammatical error recognition part which I hated!

However, I tried to be positive. I was stupid that I didn't confirm it earlier. But, I still had one week! After that, I studied hard for the OLD TOEIC. Even when I took a bath, went to a restroom, ate lunch or dinner, I was always with TOEIC reference books. But maybe I was exhausted on the test day...
Just after the test was over, I didn't feel satisfied. I thought something was different. I felt like I needed to take it again. But I didn't expect my score would go down from last year's!

I know, I need to face the reality. One of my friends who is really fluent in English, took the TOEIC once when she was in her country...Korea. She hadn't prepared at all for the TOEIC, but her score was 950. If my English were very good, I wouldn't be affected by insignificant conditions. I have to admit this score probably shows exactly my level. But I want to reach "her level" someday!

I love watching sports. Whenever I watch these games, especially big games, I always wonder "what makes them a winner and a loser?" Each athlete is supposed to be one of the TOP athletes, and they are supposed to practice well. But I think there are always some reasons why the one lost the game.
This results really disappointed me, but I believe I can be a "winner" someday unless I give up. When a top athlete ( I am not a top athlete, but I always learn important things from enthusiastic athletes) loses a big game, he is depressed. But he would analyze the reasons why he lost, make some new strategies, and practice & train harder to win the next game! Some of them prove the big defeat can be the trigger for making a very successful next result. I have to do the same thing.
Life is not always easy, and probably, now "I" am being tested to be patient. I know I sound crazy, but I still believe I can get a full TOEIC score someday.

When I talked about this with my mom in Japan, she said to me " It is not so complicated as you think. You are just getting older!" Oh please, don't say that...