Home & Away

I have worked for a language school for two years and a half.
Now I feel very AT HOME in my school.
However, when it comes to my another job...emceeing, I have felt so AWAY so far.
Mainly, there are two reasons.

1: I have been struggling to change my wedding emcee style from casual to formal.
I used to work for restaurant wedding occasions, which casual style was preferred. However, now I've been involved with hotel weddings, which formal style was pleased.

I am wondering why Japanese language has too many variations.
For example, even I can simply say, "Taro and Hanako's wedding reception party" in English, Japanese has many cases to describe.
From casual to formal...
① 山田太郎さん、鈴木花子さん　ウエディングパーティ
②山田太郎様、鈴木花子様　結婚ご披露宴
③山田家、鈴木家　結婚ご披露宴

Since Japanese people thought marriage was a matching between two families,"(not just for a young couple, ) some traditional couples still prefer the pattern 3.
"Sama" and "san" are how to address the couple. Restaurant wedding staff think "san" sounds friendly and suits their western style, but hotel staff believe addressing the clients with"san" is not very polite, so they recommend us (emcees) to have a permission of using "san" word from the newly weds.

...Everything goes on just like that, so I've been really careful with choosing the words when I emcee at a hotel.

Even I feel stressed out for that, here is another one makes me feel "away."
Reason 2: Some hotel staff are not very welcomed a new staff, like me.
I think one unpleasant aspect of conventional Japanese people is "hating change."
In America, a few years ago, people were excited about "change" and they repeated "yes, we can!." In Japan, in traditional working places, some people want to say, "no, you can't!"
(I heard now in America, many people want to say "no, you can't!" too...anyway,)

Last week, when I worked in a hotel at a bay area in Tokyo, the floor captain was the typical type of the person. He was not friendly at all, even didn't introduce himself to me, always yelled at staff, frowned all the time...
I know there are advantages of having a strict boss, but his lack of communication caused staff's mistakes sometimes. For example, after the party, he told me to make an announcement. I did, but that was different one from what he wanted to. Why it happened? He muttered unclearly, so I misunderstood!

Now I have worked in different hotels whenever I am a wedding emcee, so, I try to be really careful not only for my client (the newlyweds and guests,) but also the staff (floor staff, and employees of event companies who give us jobs)there.
...Basically, wedding job needs teamwork.
But when can I feel completely HOME and a player in THE team??

Nobody has given me the exact answer, but my co-worker from a language school gave me a clue.
She is a part time teacher like me, and started a second job recently like me.
She said,"I started to do translating job. My friend introduced me to a president of a translator agent, so I started to work there... but it's very hard! The hardest thing is not the translation itself, but... communication! Agent staff often calls me no matter what time it is, requires me to attend a meeting or cut my job all of sudden... They make me crazy. I envy you! I assume a bilingual emcee job is also hard, but at least, YOU'RE DOING WHAT YOU WANT TO DO!!
I've never dreamed of being a translator,! Just there was my friend's connection, so I became...But now I'm wondering why I'm doing the job. I'm just exhausted!"

I'm actually learned a lot from her words.
1) No job is easy.
2) Even we work using English, we need to communicate with Japanese staff in a polite, delicate Japanese style. It is tiring, but once we understand that, people around us start to trust us...finally.
3)To overcome the tiring problem like 2) situation, we need to know individually,　"who I am," "what I want to do" and "why I'm here."

In my case, a wedding is a wedding wherever I have a microphone.
If the newlyweds and guests enjoy the party, nobody can fire me.
I remembered what my mentor said to me again.
"If you have your AXIS in your heart(I mean...understand 3) matters) nobody hurts you.
Whether having an axis or not is regardless of your experience or age. YOU CAN HAVE IT."

"When can I feel HOME in my working places for weddings?"
I haven't still had an answer...
But I just keep trying to go forward, believing, "away" places right now are getting to be near my "home" from my heart, unless I lose my way.

Wedding from American guy's point of view

Yesterday, I had a "practice" for the upcoming bridal meeting with an international couple.
I asked my American co-worker (since the groom is American,) Seth, to pretend to be my client, I mean, the groom. I wanted to confirm all of my questions made sense & if I could communicate smoothly in English.
My English communication skills were no problem when it comes to wedding( when it comes to my unfamiliar field, I might have no idea what they're talking about, though...)
But "some of my questions about wedding in Japan confused Seth, who had no idea how Japanese couples have their weddings.

The point is, a Japanese wedding is "well-planned." We have strict time allotment. Everything is planned beforehand (even a surprise event is well planned.) If there are any changes on the planning sheet, all of the staff crew should know about them to make the wedding go smoothly.
That's why a newlywed needs to hire a wedding emcee!

On the other hand, American wedding is kind of "spontaneous." Wedding is supposed to be fun, so, if a guest wants to make a speech, s/he can do that anytime, on site. The guests even can leave whenever they want!

...So, during the practice, Seth never gave me my desirable answer first.
When I asked, "Would you like to make a welcome speech at the beginning of your reception?"
He said, "Yeah, MAYBE. (Check out the bold letters!) But I don't know if I would do that at the beginning. CAN I DO THAT HALFWAY THROUGH?"
When I said, "would you want me to introduce your backgrounds, or will you introduce yours by yourself?"
He was surprised, "Do...I have to introduce my backgrounds? I guess everybody knows my backgrounds! That's why they're coming to my wedding!"
...And I asked,"who will make speeches?"
He shrugged his shoulders, "I don know...maybe, some of my friends coming from NY... if they want to say a few words on the day, they might."

...Then, I turned to be like a teacher.
"OK, Seth, actually, a Japanese wedding is supposed to be a well-planned, formal party. Your party time length has been decided, so we need to be on time, basically. So, all of the party staff should know who are the speakers, what's going on next, and so on. Also, the guests from the bride side might not know about you very much, so, introducing the couple's backgrounds is very common in Japan. That's why you hired me! ( He didn't, I was just kidding.)"
He seemed stunned, and took a look at Pingu stuffed doll beside him.
(He made fun of the practice meeting, so he said, "Look! This is my bride!" Then, he put the stuffed "Pingu" on the chair next to him.)

...He became like a student who were scolded by his teacher, so I was back to be a wedding emcee.
"...But of course you can mingle two cultures at your wedding. That's why I'm here for you!
You don't have to follow Japanese wedding customs all the time if your bride (Pingu) doesn't mind, but there's one thing. Your party time length is decided. So, we're talking how to make your wedding go "effectively fun."

That was the time he met the "cultural boundary," and I did, too!
The interesting thing is, even he thought a wedding reception would be "spontaneously fun," he took his wedding ceremony more seriously than I did.
International weddings might be more "unexpected" than I imagine, but I feel like they could be much more exciting than I picture...
Besides, a bilingual emcee might be needed much more than I expect.
...I can't wait to meet my first clients!!

Weddings Worldwide

Before I started to belong to my current emcee office, I took a lesson to be a bilingual emcee by a pioneer of this field, Ryoko Sumitomo.
Now I've been reading her textbook again because I will take her another lesson for "corporate bilingual emcee." Then, I noticed how interesting this part again, is..."kinds of world marriages & weddings."
For example...

Islamic marriage: means a man becomes responsible to support his wife. Before marriage, they make a contract to decide how much he pays for their wedding & monthly maintenance...not only the amount of money, but also how much jewelry, education he can give her... They make a deal for everything.
Do you think it's unfair for guys? But a man has a right to divorce her if he wants. After he files their divorce, if his wife isn't pregnant three months later, the divorce becomes official even though his wife doesn't want to.

Islamic wedding(In Saudi Arabia): In this culture, it's not respectable for men & women to have a party together. So, they have parties separately. ( I was most stunned to hear that!)
First, a groom and his male guests have dinner, and after that, a bride and her female guests have the guys' left-over. (...WOW...!)

South Africa, Anglican church members: a newlywed couple does a bungee jumping at their wedding... (another wow!)

Jewish: On their wedding day, a bride and a groom fast. In the ceremony, a groom put a wedding band on not a bride's ring finger, but her index finger.

Zulu, African continent: On the wedding day, a groom's family kills a cow, and tells the couple's fortune. (How...? I don't know!) To acknowledge that, a bride puts some money in the cow's stomach, and return it to the groom's family. (...one more, WOW!!)

When I was in America, I heard many interesting wedding customs from international friends.
My Korean friend said, "we send invitations to many guests, but the guests don't reply.
It is OK they decide to come or not come, ON THE DAY!"
I was surprised and asked her,"What about meal? Staff at the wedding place should prepare dishes depending on how many guests there will be!"
She shrugged her shoulders, "They prepare meals for all guests the couple invited. If some people don't come, dump them!"

Another friend from Armenia said, "A wedding is a FIGHTING for us."
"What!? A fighting means, between a bride and groom!??" I asked.
She laughed, "Oh, no! Between guy guests! You know, a wedding is a party. At a party, people drink a lot, when people drink a lot, some people get crazy... A trigger is silly usually. One guy gets mad saying, "You! You had an eye on my girlfriend! You such a bastard!" Then, the guy who was said also becomes upset, "What are you talking about!? I didn't! You ARE a bastard!!" ...Then, they start to fight. When someone starts to fight, we know it's time to close the wedding!"

One newlywed Indian girl said, "I got married to a guy that my parents found for me. In my county, parents are matchmakers."
"Really? Didn't you want to pick a guy you like? Did you think you can love a guy your parents choose?"
She smiled beautifully, "Why not? I believe my parents know about me more than I do. I can love a guy whom my parents believe in."
The Indian girl was a former newscaster. I was surprised even she, such a career woman, believes so.

Marriage & wedding are based on the country's (the tribe's, the race's, the religion's...) culture.
Even though one wedding custom sounds mysterious to me, it has a reason, based on their history.
So, I should respect that.

International wedding is a fusion of different culture.
At the end of the part of the textbook, the bilingual emcee teacher, Ryoko says, "We shouldn't push one culture to an international couple. Communicating with them, we help to make a beautiful combination as they want. During their wedding reception, it is great if we help two family's mingling. We are like a "go-between" for the two culture."

Japanese Wedding Trends (just in my case)

During two years since I left the wedding industry, there have been many wedding trends emerging.

Before I restarted my business, I read "Zexy," which is a Japanese wedding magazine, to preview wedding trends.

Candle relay, balloon service, unity candle, time capsule candle, surprise by groom's transformation to a server(discreetly,) opening & ending DVDs with the couple's "avatars..."
I have learned a lot from the magazine and...the Internet!
However, I didn't imagine how wedding actual sites advance much more than the Web-sites.

When I had a meeting with a couple, I asked the bride.
"So, would you want to read a letter to your parents before the ending of the reception?"
A typical ending of Japanese wedding is giving the couple's parents bunches of flowers as signs of appreciation.
Before that, it's common that a bride reads a letter to thank her parents for growing her up.
That sort of shows "she is making a line between single and married. She is not anymore just her parent's daughter. She is a "bride" of the groom's family. See, she is saying good-bye to her family!"
I know, many couple believe marriage is between individuals, not families now.
However, reading a thankful letter by a bride to a bride's family is a beautiful tradition.

So, I asked the bride, "Would you want to read a letter to your parents?"
She said "yes," but I heard the groom said, "Yes, I would." at the same time.
I asked him again. "Would you...read a letter?"
"Certainly, I would." He answered, filling with tears in his eyes...
"Oh... I mean, Wow! So nice of you two! Your parents must be pleased about it!"
I made an instant smile immediately.
That's one of important jobs as a wedding emcee!

After the meeting, I asked my wedding mentor, a very nice lady who has been a wedding emcee and was a TV reporter.
She said, "Ah, it's getting common! The world is getting gender-free, as well as wedding field. Why doesn't a groom read a thank-you letter to his own parents if a bride does!"
...OK, OK, I knew stuff crews at my English school are kind of gender-free, ( I mean, guys are so sympathetic like girls, and girls work for a long time like Japanese typical male salaried workers...) but I didn't know gender-free wave is cutting into wedding scenes, too.

The other day, another bride called me and suggested,
"I'm wondering what if you read a letter from the groom's ex-girlfriend?"
"Ex...who?" I thought I mistook who.
But she exactly said, "EX-girlfriend! That's a kind of surprise. You, emcee, say, "I got a letter from his ex-girlfriend. She knows well about him. Let me read her letter here."
You start to read it...then, gradually, guests get to know that is from me, a bride, not from his ex! Don't you think it's funny? I read the episode on the Internet. They said they got a big laugh. Don't you want to get a laugh at our party?"

"Well.. you might want to get a laugh, but don't you want to get your dignity?"
I wanted to ask her back, but surely, I didn't.
Instead of asking, I was advising.
"Well, it might be funny...among friends. But...think about it. At your reception, half of your guests are relatives. If the groom's relative think it's a bad joke... I want to make what you dream of come true on your wedding, but I don't want to make your impression nasty in front of his relatives. (Actually, I don't want to make MY impression nasty in front of guests! Who says "it's from his ex!?" That would be me!!) Wedding party is a kind of live stage. Depends on the couple and the audience, the funny surprise might turn to be faulty."
The bride understood, and thank God, she stopped suggesting the deadly surprise.

After the call, I talked about it to my wedding mentor again.
She said, "that's always a catch! Recently, many brides and grooms want to try funny(faulty) surprises or events what they read on the Website. It's a kind of trend. But we are like...you know, personal trainers. We need to get them back on the right truck, showing understanding what they want to do. Because if we make everything what they dream of come true, the reception would not be coming true! We stay on their Never land, but we are like the shepherds who advise," You NEVER want that!"

...I see. I knew "surprises!" have been trendy in Japanese weddings... but, I would say, "No more surprise to an emcee!" like the "ex-girlfriend" announcement surprise.