Step Up!

Hah,,, I don't know how many times I sighed after I came back home from the toastmasters' meeting. It was the third meeting for me as a visitor. Last Monday's meeting was more advanced than the other two meetings.

In the meeting, the person who gave the topics of impromptu speeches brought one book which is about "political jokes." As she quoted one potitical joke, she appointed one member to make an "impromptu speech" related to "the joke..." I turned pale! I couldn't understand even why those jokes were funny!
However, appointed members did great jobs! They told their private stories using the jokes! Can you do that? I CAN'T!!!! I knew the toastmasters' activities were challenging for me. But today, I just realized "the reality..." I said there were some international students in the club. It's true, but all of them are Ph.D. students!
Thus, their English abilities are much better than mine!! I am talikng about not only speaking, but also listening. Among the four fields of learning language (speaking, listening, reading, and writing,) my weakest point is definitely listening!!
I can take my time to read and write. I can use my words when I speak in English.
However, if the speaker spoke really fast, I couldn't catch up with his/her speed. Also, if the speaker said something very unexpectedly, my thinking about the meaning and my English listening speed became imcompatible. AH! Now I know, why I have'nt been a good student!! I AM STUPID!!

However.. I came to myself. I don't have time to hesitate! Because I don't have so much time to stay here. I will leave the U.S. in 1-2 years. I don't have much time to make my English perfect, and I know I need to participate in the toastmasters' activities to make my dreams come true. JUST DO WHAT YOU NEED TO!!!
I forced myself to fill out the application form to be a formal member.

Then, I recollected. " I think I had this feeling before..." Yes! Remember, since I came to the U.S, I have done several things which were challenging to me at that time. When I attended very advanced classes, the first time when I made an English presentation.. and so on. What did I do there? I wanted to run away, but I just continued to do that, be stuck there. Then, it became a "not so difficult thing" after awhile. At the end of the meeting, I asked everybody's permission to record the meetings. I will be STUCK here, but I need to do something to cover my "disadvantages."

After the meeting, I drove out of the parking garage. It was 8:30 pm, but already dark. My fourth autumn in the U.S. will come soon. It will be challenging season for me.
However, don't take it so seriously. Just step up, and do your best!
Someday, you (we ) will be more forward than we expect.. hopefully.

(In this picture, these are the Toastmasters' trophies! If you become "the best speaker of the meeting," you can get one of them. This image is from this Web-site
http://www.toastmasters.org/)